My Feeding Journey: “I finally realized I needed to trust my mom intuition”

Chrissy Horton of Horton Lane shares her struggles with breastfeeding—and the emotional and physical tools she used to overcome them.

Bubs: Tell us about you and your family.

Chrissie Horton: My husband and I were born and raised here in San Diego, CA. We’re total townies, we never left—both sets of parents are down the street. I am pregnant right now, in my third trimester, with baby number six. When she is born we will have six kids eight and under, three kids two and under. No multiples!

What has your feeding journey been like with your children? 

I have breastfed all my children, but with my first two it was hard mentally. When I had my first, I very much resented my husband because he couldn’t do the feedings. He is so involved, and so supportive, but I was exclusively breastfeeding and he couldn’t help with the nighttime feedings. I was adamant about breastfeeding, I didn’t want to supplement ever. That took a toll on me. I was a first-time mom, everything was new. I knew I wouldn’t sleep well, but nothing could prepare you for sleep deprivation. 

I hate saying this, but I hated breastfeeding. I remember thinking, I know this is best for baby but this is really hard. I’d had a hard birth, I couldn’t sleep, I was doing everything by the book and woke him every two hours to eat. But I am glad I pushed through, because by week five everything was going well, really flowing. It was easy to whip out the boob when we were out of the house, or in the middle of night. 

Were you pumping, too?

I was. You see these freezers stockpiled with frozen breastmilk [on social media]! I was breastfeeding then pumping, and my body didn’t know how much milk my baby needed. I overproduced milk and got mastitis. One of my good friends who is also an International Board Certified Lactation Consultant (IBCLC), told me that if I was exclusively breastfeeding I wouldn’t need a freezer full of milk. 

What did you learn from your feeding experience with baby number one?

I wouldn’t have worried about pumping. Now I tell moms that in those first few weeks, your breasts usually supply a lot of milk, because your body is trying to figure out what baby needs. I realized what works for me is to pump in the first few weeks after birth, because my body is producing so much milk. I use a Haakaa wireless suction breast pump, and I can pump one breast as I’m feeding my baby on the other breast. That pumped milk ends up being my backup supply. Once I have two trays in my freezer filled, I’m done.

Was the journey the same with your other children?

That was basically my journey all along, but then I also started using a supplemental nursing system. I have big babies, 10 pound babies—but the last three were losing weight too quickly. My lactation friend was like, “You need to supplement, I am worried about the weight they are losing.” 

Colostrum doesn’t flow out of the breast the way milk does, it’s very nutrient dense, and I wanted my babies to get it, but they weren’t staying on the breast long enough. So I used a supplemental nursing system (SNS). With an SNS, you fill a syringe with pumped or donated breast milk or formula, and it goes through a tiny tube that looks like a thin wire, into the baby’s mouth. Once the baby is on the breast and they start sucking, you slip in the paper-thin tube, and every time they suck, you push on the syringe, so they get your colostrum or milk plus the supplement. It was such a huge help, I’ve made several videos about it. I was able to establish breastfeeding and also give my baby the nutrients they need. 

What advice would you have for new moms that are having a hard time with breastfeeding?

Even if your breast is producing nothing, just get them on the boob—your breast will know your baby’s saliva, your body can tell that the baby might be sick, and will produce antibodies your baby needs. You can always supplement.

I am passionate about breastfeeding but I don’t think it has to be all or nothing. My approach is to explore options. I get upset with formula shaming—as much as I’m an advocate for breastfeeding, everyone’s journey is different. There is a reason formula was invented.

I was so tired after baby number four, and he was in cluster feeding mode, wanting to eat every 20 minutes. I was like, “I just gave birth, I need to rest.” My husband was like, “Let me just give the baby formula,” and I was like, “Yup, give him a bottle.” It was hard to tell what was up and what was down. I’m so grateful to live in a time when there are options when we need them. 

New moms get a lot of advice from well meaning friends, family, and strangers. How can you sort out what works for you?

Listen to your intuition. Block out the noise. What would you do if you were raising your babies in the 90s, with no social media? My grandmother had seven kids in seven years, no twins. I talked to her about breastfeeding, and said I was worried—how I could take care of a toddler and also breastfeed. She told me, “You do whatever you need to do. Even if you need to give your baby formula.” Listen to your intuition, you should never feel judged when doing what’s best for your baby.

What is your proudest feeding moment?

When my babies finally latch and I can just whip out the boob and not think about it. When I’m feeling confident and in a groove. I feel like I can console my baby, and I am present in the moment and not so worried about everything. Now I know to listen to my own voice, that god-given biological intuition we all have.